


Grapes

by witchofpeachan



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: Gen, this is really stupid but my Dad liked it so...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofpeachan/pseuds/witchofpeachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hm…” The Joker licked his lips in thought, breathing heavily between his harsh laughter. “Do you have any… Grapes?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grapes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My Dad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+Dad).



> Based on the Duck joke. Moved from FF.net account.

It was late at night when it happened, near the Narrows  
It was late at night when it happened, near the Narrows. Steam rose off the streets from the summer afternoon's rain shower. His cheap, scuffed shoes clacked against the cement of the sidewalks as he skip-jumped along, messy, green hair bouncing around, getting into his face. The charcoal rings around his eyes making his green eyes pop out. His pale, painted face covering from his hairline to under his chin, the scars from his past covered with a bright shade of red.

He hummed to himself, swinging his favorite knife between his index finger and thumb, holding it with the slightest pinch. His eyes darted around for something to do. Of course, the streets were empty save for the occasional hobo that asked for change. And of course, he has to restrain himself from stabbing them in the throat.

Sighing heavily, he put a little more hop in his step as he rounded the corner; then stopped as a loud ringing of an alarm hit his ears. His head snapped to the side, a red, flashing light caught his eye in a small corner store.

Ah, the Batman would be there soon; a small, armed robbery, but still, it was a crime and Batman would be there. His smile became wide as he hopped across the crosswalk like a smart pedestrian would do. He pushed open the door with little effort, only to here fists hitting flesh and a couple of grunt.

There's a Batman…

Sidestepping behind a couple of shelves, he made his way to the back counter where his  
favorite bat was beating the robber to a bloody pulp. He quietly whistled to himself as he

skipped to the wooden surface.

When he got there, Batman was straightening himself and shaking the blood from his black gloves. The Joker, who had been there only a couple of seconds, admired his nemesis with amusement. Had he noticed him yet?

Bending over the counter, he rested his left elbow on the surface and cradled his chin on his palm then licked his lips, smacking them together. He looked over the counter, as if eyeing the items there before looking back to the Batman who was now staring at him in a brief moment of shock.

When did he get here…?

The moment the two locked eyes, the Joker's brows raised as he grinned, "Got any grapes, Batsy?"

Batman was taken aback. Grapes? Who asked for grapes at a small corner store? He frowned at the question, wanting to just then catch the clown and throw him back into Arkam for the thousandth time, but his only response was his usual, deep, husky, barely audible voice, "No, I don't have any grapes!"

Merely frowning the Joker stood before turning around, his usual purple get-up twisting and making him look jittery. Before the Batman could react, the Joker was out the door faster than he could blink. His jaw almost dropped before the anger caught up to him. He pounded the wooden surface with his fist, "I LET HIM GET AWAY!"

"You…. Sure did…. Heh." He abruptly turned and gave a swift kick to the robber's stomach, causing him to cough with lack of oxygen.

"Grapes, Alfred!" His eyes widened as he gripped his hair in frustration. "He asked for grapes and I let him get away!" He paced faster back and forth. The old butler was starting to get a bit dizzy from staring at Bruce for more than a couple of seconds.

"Maybe, sir, it has another meaning?" Alfred's brows rose at his own suggestion.

Bruce stopped his pacing for a second. He frowned before pacing again, grunting in frustration, "That's what I'm trying to figure out! What does it mean!?" He came close to slamming his head on the wall of the batcave. The Joker had always confused him, but this was different. This was completely random and unexpected.

That night, he could barely sleep. All he thought about were damned grapes! The last time he looked at the clock was six o'clock in the morning. He rolled over and closed his eyes with a small groan. He was getting up at eight!

This blows!

He had slept through yet another meeting, waking up mere minutes before everyone started gathering his or her things and leaving. His brows furrowed as he noticed Coleman Reese giving him a disgusted look, or was that an angry face? Bruce could really care less.

"Fun filled night?"

Bruce looked up with a shrug, pushing himself from his wheeled chair and stretching upwards. "Didn't get much sleep. I couldn't."

Lucius Fox raised a brow in curiosity, waiting for the other man to continue. Wayne's face scrunched up in thought, "Does the term 'grapes' mean anything to you?"

Lucius' face mimicked that of Batman's the night before, glancing to the side, "Only the small fruit comes to mind, Mister Wayne. Why?"

The younger man frowned, in discontent, "Just… Just wondering, that's all…"

The older man nodded slowly, unsure but not pushing the matter any farther. But… Now he wanted grapes. He'd have to pick some up later.

Familiar alarms made him swoop down from rooftops and land in the back alleyways of yet another corner-store. Criminals are getting less daring…

The two men only gasped before they each had a fist to the cheek. Batman let his fists fall to his sides. They're also getting easier to knock out…He tensed before turning as clapping came to his ears. His eyes narrowed into slits, making his way over to the source. The Clown grinned as his collar was taken from his previous position of leaning on the counter to being thrust up against the wall.

"You're going back to Arkam whether you like it or not." His favorite husky voice growled at him.

"Oh Batsy, you know I can get out of there whenever I want." He giggled out, "I just always want to see you. They can't keep me in there." The hands around him pressed harder, feeling pretty close to crushing his collar bone. He swallowed and licked his lips, cackling harshly, "By the way, Batsy…" He trailed off, looking up, "Got any grapes?"

The Batman looked baffled for a second before slamming his head against the Joker's, a grunt of pain rising from his throat. Batman let the Clown crumple to the ground in a sudden fit of laughter, "What does that mean!?" The Batman growled out, frustration and confusion clouding his vision. He blinked and looked up. Before he knew it, the last of the Joker he saw was the end of his purple coat turning the corner, his cackling ringing in his ears.

"ARUGH!"

Bruce's fists clenched around his head again. "Grapes, grapes grapes, grapes, GRAPES!" He repeated angrily, eyes shutting tightly. He felt like he needed to shoot something!

"Uh… Master Wayne… We have grapes in the refrigerator…?" The billionaire looked up, eyes wide before he ran in the direction of the kitchen, leaving his butler thoroughly confused. Moments later, he returned with a bowl of grapes, brows knitted down in anger as he shoved some of the little purple and green fruits into his mouth. He stopped and looked down at his handful of grapes, gapping. "The Joker…" The colours of purple and green. His nose scrunched up before shoving them in his mouth, grumbling between bites, "This is what I feel about you!"

His butler frowned in confusion, the last sentence barely audible. Alfred shook his head. Bruce Wayne really needed to calm down and give Batman a break or something.

Batman growled as another corner store was being robbed. What was it with criminals these days?

He leapt down, this time, crashing through the large window. It wasn't like he was going to pay for the repairs. Only one man, he was tall and bulky with a ski mask covering most of his face. He was shouting nonsense at the cashier, scaring the small emo kid into a stiff crying fit. A bat weapon soon knocked out a gun with in the man's hand. The man glanced over his shoulder quickly in time to meet the hard punch aimed for the back of his head.

Shaking the feeling back into his hand, he glanced to the counter to check on the small teenager, but saw instead his nemesis. Without missing a beat, he leapt over the counter, launching himself at the Clown who only laughed as he was pinned to the ground, several punched hitting his jaw. But he didn't stop his laughter, he merely cocked and pointed his small hand gun to the side, grinning, "Heh… You wouldn't want this kid dying in front of you, hun, now would you?" The Batman flinched at the nickname before glancing to the side at the cowering boy in the corner, "What do you want?" He growled at the Joker.

"Hm…" The Joker licked his lips in thought, breathing heavily between his harsh laughter. "Do you have any… Grapes?"

The Batman growled deeply. "If you say that one more time… I'll nail your feet to the floor!" His husky voice made the threat even scarier. If it weren't the Joker there, the victim would have been cowering and would never dare to commit another crime.

He only cackled before nodding in the direction of the boy, who stood and tackled the Batman's back. He was stunned, getting up quickly to almost carefully pry the boy off. Struggling to not hurt the boy's thin frame, he flipped him over onto his back, the boy landed on the counter top.

Batman looked down and groaned. Of course, the Joker left. He shot a glance to the terrified boy who was trembling. "I-I didn't me-mean anything b-by it… H-He th-threatened m-me.. I-I'm s-sorry!" He sobbed clenching his thin upper arms.

The older man had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. "Don't get caught up with the Joker." With that, he left.

By now, Bruce Wayne was incredibly frustrated. He had a hammer in one hand and a bowl of grapes in the other. He put grapes one by one down on a table before smashing the small fruit with the hammer, growling. "I. Hate. Grapes!"

Alfred frowned deeply, sighing, then shaking his head every time her heard Bruce and the hammer. His master seemed to be really close to snapping now.

Really. Batman was getting sick and tired of robbers going into corner stores. It was tiring. Plus, they were frail and passed out with one hit!

He stomped up to the men angrily, punching each in the eye, cheek or nose, one by one falling to the ground. His breathing was steady and deep, but his mind was racing. He glanced to the counter, then to the door. The clown wasn't there…

Good.

"Baaaatsyyyyyy." The Batman frowned before turning. How did he get there…? The Joker wiggled his fingers in a fan-girlish type wave and giggle. Batman stormed up to him, arm raised and fisted clenched, "Ah, no no no. Not yet Batsy." He held his hand up with a small smile.

"…What?" Thoroughly confused but her refused to put his arm down.

"Got any nails?"

"No… I don't have any nails!" More confused than before, his brow furrowing together and voice getting rough with hints of frustration.

The Joker grinned brightly, his scars making the smile wider than it actually was. Both elbows propped up on the wooden counter, his fingers lacing together as he placed his chin on his hands.

"Good! Got any grapes?"


End file.
